Half-blodded Identity

Continuing from the previous post, I'll talk about what happened when I was elementary school student. All in all, I was not bullied due to my background, not like you expected, but the truth is I protected myself from bullying maybe. Meaning hiding the fact that I am half Taiwanese. And I really look like Japanese that it worked.
Here was what I felt. I thought I would be bullied if other classmates know me like that. That was always with me. As a little child, I was sensible about a slight difference. Actually, kids are really sensible to that kind of slight difference. Bullying mostly happens from that. Maybe I noticed that, that I was hiding it intentionally, for example, I didn't let my friends meet my mother, or I didn't want my mother come to school, actually she was busy that didn't come often.

The identity: half Japanese half Taiwanese

My mother is from Taiwan and I was born and grown in Japan all my life, no experience living outside Japan. Now, I'll think about how that background has affected my identity. This essay is composed of 5 parts, about myself, experiences in elementary school, junior high, high school, and now.
First, about myself. As I mentioned I am half Taiwanese half Japanese who was born and grown in Japan. I have grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins in Taiwan, on the other hand, I have a few relatives in Japan. I often go to Taiwan to see my relatives, more than once a year.
Next, about how I look. Because Taiwan and Japan both are Asian countries that I think I really look like "Japanese" that I rarely was asked by someone questions like "Are you non-Japanese or something?", I had a few by someone who may be really sensible.
Next, about language. Since I was grown in Japan, I only speak Japanese originally. My mother speaks really fluent Japanese(I think people won't notice that she is Taiwanese) that when my parents grow me, the language was mostly Japanese.

to be continued...

Losing the purpose

I've been busy these days doing a lot of assignments. It is like a automated factory. When I thought I finished every assignments, I got new. I'm now like a machine. Doing same thing every week like a sheep. I am forced to move from this class to that class. and get assignments. So that the speed of time, I feel even faster. Same routine of work makes it faster.
And I realized that I've got to do other than that. about 20% of the day, I've got spend for what interest me. around April, I did this, because I wasn't that busy, in May, I tried to do this and did sometime, because it was getting harder, and now I even do not try. And I realized that Google's 20% rule is really nice principle. If you are too busy with the task, you will lose the purpose of the task, and in turn that will make your perspective narrower and fixed. Well, I spend 1 hour for learning English so that this is about 15%, that actually I did. but I've got to do other than English. about computer science not taught in school. Because people in English-speaking countries don't have to do English things. so that I've got to master English soon and get started to firstly catch up.

Limiting myself

I do really concentrate on my work in the morning and from afternoon to around 4 o'clock. But after that, I sometimes fail to keep doing my tasks. mainly after sunset. I think it is because my eyesight starts to become blur after that. I put contact lens on, so that it matters.
However, that is only an excuse. I can recover from that if I put them off and take a shower, but I don't do that and I sometimes take some time to relax to read manga or play videogame, etc. In that case, my passion toward the goal is challenged. I think there are a lot of people doing this much of effort, so that I have to limit myself to keep doing my work by following my passion to make me distinct from other people. And eventually, if that becomes my custom or ritual, the level of hard becomes higher, the standard becomes higher. I think top-notch people do this naturally. Yes, my standard has become higher than years ago if I reflect how I did in the past.

To limit myself, I've got to do 3 things.
・Just concentrate on the task after you sit on the desk.
Don't let something outside bother you, your passion is challenged that beat it.
・Set the time limit to each task
time limit should be little hard to achieve, that if you do more than maximum, you will finish it.
By doing this, your passion comes out.
・Think about people doing far better than you
You know there are so many top-notch people in the world, if you know their standard, you've got to catch up. In the similar way, think about people helped you, your parents, friends, etc. Imagine you become super person, and you surprise them.

Now, let's to this. Time is limited, top-notch people runs really fast. Don't hesitate and limit yourself, and limit you if you lose to temptation.

Where to put your standard

Yesterday, I talked with my friend who turned to me for advice about his life. He said that it was a mistake that he went to the faculty, because he doesn't feel motivated to be better at the field. On the other hand, he really put a lot of effort in dance, and his level is quite high. He is so much motivated dancing.
He said that there is no competitive and smart people around, because the faculty was not popular that people who choose the faculty as their not first choice, this in turn makes the class like the residual of people who lack willingness and competitiveness in the field. Due to that environment, he doesn't feel motivated like he was in high school. I pointed out that the standard is low so that this makes him feel well done in the field. This is why he lost passion. A year before, he was with motivated friends that he was also motivated, at this time the standard was high. Therefore, I suggested him to find new people who are outstanding. If that not possible, find from global perspective, such as facebook, watching online lecture from top-notch universities.
This story implicates that the standard is made by the environment where you are. And you misunderstand how well you do in the field. If you see the people from the global perspective, there are a lot of top-notch people in the world. Then naturally, the standard will become high because your passion and competitive feeling are challenged. I recall that when I watched online lecture from Stanford and Harvard, I saw the students there shining and that made me notice how far they are to a certain extent. So that my standard has become higher even if I do well in the school. Also, I found that people in the highest level, they still are motivated, and becomes better and better, meaning if you are in the A class, you will in the great circle of motivation. This explains why smart people becomes smarter.
The talk made me also realize that I've got to find more shining people from all over the world. A class people tend to work with people from A class to compete and stimulate each other, B class people tend to work with people from C class to make them think that they are good. Where am I? Am I working with A class people? Not enough, I will find more.

Try do it, if fail, that's no problem

When I woke up in the morning, I suddenly thought that I really have to prepare for the study abroad after the graduation from university. I was first planning the use of summer vacation, and I was unsure about how to make it meaningful, but I got a hint that time. I will research about the experienced people's life on summer vacation later, and I think I will put best effort to prepare.
Things like TOEFL, GRE are the criteria for that, and that takes so much time to make them ready, so that I think I will do those thing this summer and make my situation ready to go study abroad. In that situation, I can decide whether go or not or which school to go with relaxed mood.
I do have a lot of things to do except for the preparation, but I have to do both, no excuse, I just do it. I will put 20% of time I spend for my main work from now, so that I will use it for the preparation. And in the summer, I will be serious, do everything. This summer is the last good chance for that.
This is for my mental health, if I fail to achieve my goal, that's not a big problem. I will just have a way to study at Japanese graduate school which is also good. But basically, no excuse.

TOEFL Practice

Do you agree or disagree? "It is more enjoyable to see a performance live (in person) than it is to watch it on television."

　Some people say that seeing a performance live is much more exciting than to watch it on television. I agree with this idea for 2 perspectives. You can feel the quality sound and you may be able to have new friends who have the same hobby. However, it is so much enjoyable to watch it on television for me despite those advantages because it has 3 advantages better than that.
First, you can enjoy a performance in a relaxed atmosphere. It is the best to be home for me, I feel very comfortable there. Especially, I like watching a performance as I sit on a couch. You can go to the bathroom if you want to immediately by just stop the video. You can't enjoy this kind of mood if you go to somewhere to see a live performance. You sometimes see it standing, you have to stand in line to go to a toilet, and you may have to move to the site taking time, and you will definitely feel tired going back home after whole excitement. If you stay at home, you can watch the same content while relaxing and you don't have to care about moving around.

Second, you are free to have some food and drinks staying your home. You also have a table so that you can be more relaxed. You can eat as much as you want, and what you like to eat. It is very nice to have some snack as you watch a performance. If you went to see it live, you have to purchase them. And sometimes food and drinks are sold with expensive price. Also you can't eat and drink as much as you want. By staying at home, you can enjoy a performance while eating and drinking. This will make it so much enjoyable.

Finally, you can invite your friends. It will be very fun to watch a performance with them sharing the excitement. You can talk as you watch it. If you went see it live, even if you were with your friends, you will have difficulty talking because of the noisy environment. And you only have to focus on the performance. It is very fun being with friends, and this will also good because it can deepen the relationship between you and your friends.

There are advantages to see a performance live. However, watching it has more than that. Better quality advantages make it better experience. Because you can watch it in a relaxed mood while eating and drinking what you like as much as you want, and you can make your connection stronger.

I've got a new friend

The first meeting was about a year ago, at the school festival. He was displaying his piece of work that was video game of fortune-telling, and he happened to be in the same faculty, and promised to meet again at school. We did meet briefly but since the classes are systematic that we didn't meet that often. and time went on, for almost half a year with spring vacation.
And we became the 3rd year student, and on the other day, that was when the whole students were separated into groups, and we happened to be in the same group, he talked to me, since the member of group take turn to consult with teaching assistant, we had a plenty of time, and talked.
He was a little similar to me, he put his standard not on a local, but on a global perspective. We talked about going American university, and about learning English, about what we like. I never had talked things like that before, I was really happy. The temperature is same.
This story implicates that how people meet is very uncertain. A lot of choices, environments, occasions, timings, all these mixed and created. But there is one thing that you have to have, willingness to become a friend, you have to also have a ability to find those chances. Find people who are shining, and be friend. This is how you broaden your connections and perspectives.